Wishing for Maybe
by thegirlwiththeradishearrings
Summary: Downfall of Lily and Snape's relationship. Beginning of Lily and James's. L/J One-Shot  Based on a piece of artwork.


L/J One Shot:

Lily couldn't help the pain in her lungs as she gulped down air. Clutching her chest, she leaned against the stonewall. It was cold on her back, the hard, deadness of it making her crave warmth. Her eyes stung, and sweat coated her colorless skin.

The muscles in her legs simmered with the exhaustion of running up four flights of stairs, putting as much distance between her and Severus as she could. A lump had lodged itself in her airways and the desire to burst into tears threatened to shatter the quiet.

The night was chilled, the deserted passages filled with the peaceful snores of sleeping portraits. Lily wished she could find that peace in her sleep. She rarely got around to sleeping anymore, but when she did, dreams of screaming chaos awoke her.

She dreamed of Death Eaters killing the innocent, of motherless children, green flashes and red glows. In war, sleep only brought the horrors of reality, where in waking you could bury the fear and death, pretend to not notice the absence of people like a pile of homework.

Burying her face in her hands, Lily bit down on her knuckles, hoping the pain would erase away all the fears she had been battling. Angry tears welled in her eyes, and Lily grabbed at her face.

_Severus_. The name sounded awful in her mind and turned her mouth a bitter taste. _How dare he?_ How dare he tell her she was being ignorant? That she should run away from her fears instead of face them. He said she was too stubborn, that she was going to end up dead because of it. Her name out of hundreds on the list. He had told her she was not strong enough to face the prejudice, the hate, and the fear.

What he didn't see to realize was that she would be proud to have her name displayed on that list. Next to all those people who did not bow to Voldemort, who did not slink back in cowardice at the sight of him, instead they held their heads high and died with their honor and dignity. She even told him so, he scoffed at her, told her she was stupid and that she would regret the decision. But Lily did not care what he thought of her, he was one of _them_ now, what he thought meant nothing.

Although she might tell herself she didn't care, it had wounded Lily deeply when he called her by that foul name. _Mudblood_. The name was like a knife digging into her stomach. Every time he said it, the knife drove in a little deeper.

The boy she had been with since first year, the one who had held her hand on the train, the one who always was there when she was frightened. . . that little boy was long gone. In his place stood a dark figure, someone she barely knew.

Giving a yelp of pain, she realized the bitter taste in her mouth was blood. Wiping her knuckles on her shirt, Lily rubbed her chest, the stiff burn slowly receding. Breathing almost back to normal, she closed her eyes and wished for comfort. A place where no one could see her cry, a place where she would feel safe and whole. A place where her dreams could not reach her.

Lily felt wetness on her cheeks. Tears had started spilling out of her eyes, and the knife in her stomach plunged deeper. Gasping she moaned and folded her arms around her belly. Fresh tears dripped off her cheeks and onto the stone floor.

"Lily?" A voice spoke from the blackness. Lily's head snapped up, but she couldn't see anyone. Looking down the corridor she frowned.

"Peeves, I swear I will curse you right here and now, I am not in the mood!" The voice didn't speak again, and Lily decided she had imagined it. Wiping her tears away she let her head roll lazily to the side, resting there for a moment.

God, crying did nothing for her sanity. Taking a breath Lily straightened, and stepped forward only to freeze where she was. "James?" She asked, surprise thick in her voice.

James Potter stood about ten feet in front of her, hands shoved in his pockets, rocking back on his heels nervously. He ran a hand through his ever-messy black hair adorably in a way that made Lily melt. His glasses were slipping off the bridge of his nose and he looked concerned, the expression plain. "Are you okay?" He asked her quietly.

Staring at the floor, Lily nodded dumbly. Of course she wasn't okay! Look at her, eyes red, hand bloodied. She was a wreck. Neither of them moved. She continued to study the floor, tracing the knot work on the edges of the carpet. James stayed silent as well, not making any start at conversation. Finally when Lily could take no more she spoke. "What are you doing?" He frowned, pursing his lips in thought.

Shrugging, he rumpled his hair again. Shivers went down her spine and her mouth went dry. God damn him. Why did he make her so weak? It was only hair for Christ sake! "I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay. . . I was coming out of detention when I saw you run past." Lily could only nod again. What a sight she must have been: running down the dark corridors when everyone else was asleep. Prefect Lily Evans, the girl who never broke the rules- or just didn't get caught. She sighed, her body racked with exhaustion.

Wetting her lips she stepped forward, James raised a eyebrow. _Damn that was cute too_. "Well, thanks," Lily said. James looked outright confused, she decided to expand. "For checking on me?"

"Oh. Yeah, whatever. . .sure." Was all he said, she smiled at his reply. Taking a step to leave, James stopped her. His hand grabbed her wrist just as she was turning away. "What-"

"Don't believe a word of it, Evans." James said, his voice was sure. Too bad Lily had no idea what he was saying.

"What are you-?" He cut her off again.

"I lied. I wasn't in detention, I was following you." He dropped his hand from her wrist and she couldn't help but feel more alone without it there. "What Snape said. . ." she had never heard James call Severus anything other than "Snivellus," a cruel nickname him and his friends had made. Shaking his head, he looked angry. "He was wrong, Lily. You. . . you are so strong. . ." His voice dropped, barely a whisper. She could feel the tears well back up, the hot sensation of pain force its way into the body, the hurt creeping into her heart.

James was closer, his body no more than five feet away now. Lily's breathing picked up and her heart raced as if she never stopped running. Turning her head away, Lily felt his fingers pressing against her cheek. They made her look at him, his soft brown eyes intense and warm. Blood pounded in Lily's ears and she couldn't focus.

"You are so much more than anyone I have ever met, Evans." She smiled sadly at him. He was sweet. She had always overlooked that about him, content on making him up to be this kid who didn't care about anyone but himself. Oh how wrong she had been, how foolish. . .

He closed the small distance and slide a hand against her face. It was warm and made her chest feel ready to burst open with the pounding of her heart. She leans into that hand, resting her own on his forearm. Reaching the other hand out, James held Lily's face in his hands. The cold she had felt before was dimming, shrinking back into the darkness of her mind.

What she had failed to realized about James for all these years was how he never gave up. Since first year, he had been persistent with her, always asking her out. She had said no every single damn time. But that didn't put him down, it only fueled his fire. He had cared for her so much, and she had pushed him away. But in that moment, Lily realized, with her face in his hands, she wished she would have said yes every single time.

"I should have said yes," Lily mumbled under her breath, more to herself than James.

"What are you grumbling on about, Evans?" James asked, eyes light and amused.

"I should have told you yes. All those times. . ." Frustration was bubbling up, Lily scowled. "I'm so stupid James," shaking her head. James was quiet, hands stills cupping her face.

"Evans," he laughed. "That is about the worst thing that has ever come out of your mouth, and trust me, there's been a lot." Lily frowned.

"I don't understand, Potter."

"You mean to tell me that all those times I asked you to go out with me, you really wanted to say 'yes'?" Blood rushed to her face, no doubt turning a awful shade of red. She twisted her mouth into a smile, and peered up at him.

"Maybe."

"Maybe!" He pretended to look offended. "Well if that's the case. . ." He began to pull away, a smile dancing on his handsome face.

"Oh shut up, Potter." Lily grabbed a fist of his sweatshirt and pulled his head down to meet hers. She could feel his smile on her lips as they met, the shock of it all making Lily weak in the knees.

She leaned into James, his hand pressing delicately into the small of her back- the gesture sending her whole body tingling. She was snogging James. _James Potter_. Lily simply couldn't believe it. James! The boy she had been screaming at for the past five years. It all seemed so strange, but every in Lily's life seemed utterly mad these days.

His lips were soft, gentle even. His glasses pushed into Lily's nose, but it hardly mattered. As James held her tight, her cheeks no longer stained with the pain of a lost friend, but with a red flush. This was the place where Lily had always longed to be: a place where it is warm, safe, and a place she felt whole- with James Potter. . .


End file.
